


Love in War

by mmorana



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 20:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmorana/pseuds/mmorana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One shots from Alistair's point of view on his budding relationship with Alyssa Cousland. Can two inexperienced warriors find and nurture love in the midst of a civil war and blight?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still writing strength, in fact the latest chapter is already put together but awaiting editing. Meanwhile these scenes won't stop coming and my brain needs an outlet so voila. Where Strength is through Alyssa's point of view I thought it only fitting to show some of Alistair's side as well. I hope you enjoy.

Alistair added more wood to the fire and took the chance to glance up at the only other Ferelden grey warden in existence. The thought still stung but he felt a profound gratitude to the maker that the one left was her. Her, the beautiful and charismatic noblewoman who always seemed to say the perfect thing to soothe his pain. Her, the comrade in arms who had stayed awake long into the night listening to him complain and wallow in his sorrow. Her, the only woman he'd ever met to make him feel something, and although he wasn't quite sure what it was he knew he liked it. She was standing by Leliana near her tent discussing something animately, and every once in a while she would run her fingers through her hair and smile. Maker she was beautiful when she smiled, it was if for one split second there was no blight or war or anything foul or evil in the world. It made Alistair's heart do flips inside his chest and created some other more confusing feelings lower on his body as well. He realized a second to late he was gawking and saw her eyes catch his and a knowing look pass over her face. _Damn_. She went back to her conversation with Leliana and he stared at the ground, hoping his skin wasn't as red as if felt.

That was another thing she was adept at making him do, blush from his face down to his toes, and he couldn't be sure but he suspected she did it on purpose. He thought back to the rose he had stashed in his pack. He had picked it a while back in Lothering with the intention of gifting it to her but hadn't quite found the right moment. He didn't have a whole lot of experience with women, especially of Alyssa's quality, and didn't want to screw it up. Not that there was much of an "it" to screw up, every time he opened his mouth stupidity fell out of it. It was what stayed his hand most nights when he finally worked up the nerve to give it to her just to turn around and put it away a second later. She was the daughter of a Teyrn, and if her brother was indeed dead she was already a Teyrna herself, who did he think he was giving her an old flower in the middle of the woods? He was nothing. The bastard of a king long gone, a failed templar and a grey warden. She deserved more.

He looked back up to see her stalking up to him and he busied himself attempting to look busy. "Lovely night," he heard her say and he looked up at her. The firelight was shining on her face just so and with her head looking towards the sky he could see her long beautiful kneck. She looked down at him and he realized he hadn't answered her and had yet again been staring. "Oh I don't know, seems like your average night, blight looming, end of the world imminent, you know…typical Monday." She laughed softly and he internally slapped himself, "What were you and Leliana talking about? More visions she had? Maybe one where we were in a nice inn with plenty of cheese." She smiled, "You know she's not crazy, give her a chance and you might find out you actually like her. She's kind and determined to see this through, and after all she's someone else besides Morrigan to travel with." He snorted, she had a point, he would literally rather travel with the Archdemon himself then that ill mannered witch they had somehow been finagled into walking around with.

"I'm going to head to sleep, wake me up for my watch." She turned to leave and Alistair's courage found him again all of a sudden, "Alyssa?" She turned back and looked at him expectantly, some of her hair falling to frame her face and the moonlight casting an otherworldly glow about her. Just as quickly as it had come his courage yet again abandoned him. "Sleep tight." She smiled and walked away and he sighed rubbing his hands through his hair. One of these days he was actually going to give her the damn rose, and then she would realize she loved him and fall head over heels. _Yes_ , he though to himself, _I'm sure it will be that easy._


	2. Chapter 2

After tossing and turning for what felt like the thousandth time Alistair finally sat up and conceded; he just wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. He took a deep breath and peeked out his tent flap to see that Leliana was on watch and breathed a sigh of relief. After his confession about his parentage today he didn't think he could face Alyssa. She had not only been hurt by his withholding of the information but made the decision to delay going into Redcliffe until the next day so she could better assess how they would handle asking the Arl for help. He put on a shirt and walked over to the fire taking a seat next to Leliana and for a time they sat in companionable silence.

"Trouble sleeping your highness?" She said smiling at him. He chuckled, "Yes in fact. Must be the pressure to save the world riding on my shoulders. Or something I ate, it was Moririgan's turn to cook and I half suspect she's trying to poison me." She giggled, "Oh yes, I'm sure that's what's keeping our young prince up. Food poisoning. It couldn't possibly be the fact that he has fallen out with a certain woman whose affection he is trying to gain." He blushed, _am I that transparent? Who are you kidding, you are always that transparent_. "I meant what I said, I wanted her to like me for me, not because of a birth right that has never meant anything to me." A rustle behind them and a twinge in his gut made him realize their conversation was no longer private.

"I hope you aren't thinking of becoming a rouge because you really have no talent for it." Alyssa emerged from the bushes and looked at him quizzically. "It's the taint, on top of the darkspawn gray wardens can also sense each other, you'll learn to tune it in time." She nodded and looked at Leliana, "Alistair, I wonder if we might talk in private." He stood and followed her a few feet until they were standing outside of her tent. Sensing what he thought would be another scolding from her he braced himself for it."I want to apologize." He attempted to respond but stopped when he took in what she had said, "You..what?" "I acted like a child before, wanting people to like you for who you are instead of your position…well it's something I can understand quite well actually."

He gaped at her a few minutes. Of course she understood, she was the daughter of a Teryn, men probably threw themselves at her constantly simply because of who her father was. But was it really going to be that easy? He had deceived her after all, mere hours ago she had looked both hurt and furious, a combination he hoped he would never see again.

"Do you forgive me?" He looked at her, shocked to see her eyes looking at the ground and a slight blush of embarrassment on her face. It was so rare to see her vulnerable, to see the less confident side of her, it made her look so much younger. She was all steel, bravery and strength, always making decisions no one else would, charging into battle with her head held high. This display of her true self was…well it was beautiful. Just when he thought she couldn't be any more perfect she proved him wrong. His silence in thinking this over must have been misconstrued as a rejection because she looked even more defeated and began to sulk away.

"No, Alyssa, I don't forgive you." She looked up, startled. "Because there is nothing to forgive, it's out in the open now so let's just move past it." She smiled, man he loved it when she did that, and breathed out a sigh of relief before heading for her tent. Right before entering it she turned, "And for the record Alistair, I like you, and not because of your blood." With that she climbed in and left him standing and blushing like an idiot. It was several more minutes before he could get his feet to walk, and several hours before he could calm his heart enough to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Alistair sighed and smashed the axe one last time into the tree, falling to the ground as splinters flew around him. He was supposed to be chopping more firewood, or so he had told the others, but really he was just trying to get his frustration out. It hadn't worked of course, he was exhausted but none the less upset about anything. Seeing Arl Eamon bed ridden with a sickness nothing could cure and his son possessed and wreaking havoc had shook him up and left him with a sinking dread in the pit of his stomach. Hopefully they would make it to the circle and back quick enough to save Connor and prevent any more deaths, that is if they even granted them the lyrium to perform the ceremony. Eamon was like a father to him, had taken him in and cared for him like a son and despite the way their last encounter had gone he still loved him as family. 

"Sovereign for your thoughts?" He looked up to see Alyssa walking towards him and tried to put on his best fake smile. "I'm afraid you'd be overpaying drastically my lady." She looked at him intensely, obviously unconvinced by his facade. She always seemed to be able to look right through him, it was one of the best and most frightening things about her. 

"Alistair I…I know that today upset you, I don't want to push but if you want to talk I'm here for you." He looked up at her in stunned silence, he had already complained and whined so much about Duncan and she had listened to every word, now she was willing to listen to his depressed ramblings again? How did he get so lucky? 

"I just keep thinking," he said quietly, "What if the Arl dies and the last memory he has of me is that stupid fight I picked when I was younger?" She sat down next to him and placed a hand on his back. "He won't die Alistair, we'll find a way to save him, to save Connor, you'll get the chance to make amends in person." "But we don't really know that do we?" She looked directly at him and said, "I promise," in such a stern voice he believed that she meant it.

He looked up at her eyes, so confident and beautiful, and even though he knew she couldn't possibly promise such an outcome still he was comforted. "Thanks," he said, never taking his eyes off her, "I'm not sure how I would get through any of this without you." She blushed and looked away, "You are much more competent then you give yourself credit for." "No," he chuckled, "no I'm really not."

She looked at the mess of wood surrounding the tree, "I thought something was up when you said you were going to get firewood despite the huge pile of it we currently have next to the fire." He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed, "Yeah, just needed to get some energy out I guess. Seemed like the best way," thinking of her earlier blushing and making a quick decision, he added in his huskiest voice, "unless you know of any others that is." She sauntered up to him, hips swaying dramatically until she was an inch from his face and whispered in his ear, "Oh I know of plenty of other ways church boy." She turned and walked away never looking back and he stood in place watching her leave, hand on his ear where her breath had tickled it. Maker help him, he was definitely in trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

Alistair smiled as he watched his nephews play on the floor beside the table, "Goldana that smells wonderful." His sister smiled down at him and he turned his attention back to the boys playing jacks. He couldn't believe it, not only had he found his long lost sister but she welcomed him with open arms, he actually had family and for the first time he felt like he belonged. At least he thought it was the first time, whenever he tried to think back to the past everything got a little hazy and his stomach turned a bit. It was as if there was something really important he was forgetting but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Play with us uncle," he heard one of the boys ask, tugging at his hand. _Uncle_ , oh how he loved the sound of that. "Leave him alone he's tired and I'm almost done with dinner," Goldana said as she placed a pie in the oven. This was everything he had dreamed it would be, everything he ever wanted. To be a part of a family, to have people who loved him and who he loved back. He could count on one hand the amount of people who had ever really cared for him, Eamon, Duncan, Alyssa. At that thought he immediately grinned picturing her, or trying to, he knew what she looked like of course but couldn't peg the details as if she was present but blurry in his mind's eye. 

"Goldana have I ever told you about Alyssa?" Goldana shifted uncomfortably, "Yes, many times." Of course he had, she was, after all, the first woman he had ever loved. And he hoped the last, but wait, "Where is she?" He didn't mean to ask it out loud but he must have as Goldana turned to answer him but before she could he heard another voice.

"I'm here, Alistair." He turned to see Alyssa looking lovely as ever but tired and bloody as if she had appeared straight from some battle, and she had her daggers drawn as if she was still on the defensive. "There you are, I was just thinking about you." She smiled at him and then slowly walked until she was standing beside him and then in front of him as if shielding him from something. "Alistair, we aren't really here, that isn't your sister it's a demon, we are in the fade." He looked around and saw the same small cottage he had spent…well he wasn't sure how long he had spent here but it certainly wasn't the fade. And not even ten feet away from him stood the only other living blood relative he had, not a demon.

"Nonsense, we are here, with my sister Goldana, please say you'll stay for dinner." Goldana smiled and nodded as if that was okay with her and Alistair turned back to Alyssa who was still in a defensive stance. "Alistair, think logically. Think back on how you got here, what were you doing before?" Ugh, there she went being all grounded and reasonable again, fine, he would play her little game. He thought back, before here he was….why was it so damn hard to think? It was as if it was all a fog. Oh wait, it had something to do with magic…and lyrium. Suddenly it all hit him in a flash, they were at the circle, it had been overrun with blood magic and they had to save it so they could get the lyrium to save Eamon. 

The surroundings suddenly started to drip away as if they were melting in the sun. His nephews, or the images of them the demon had conjured vanished and suddenly he wasn't in a cottage but in the foggy landscape of the fade. He looked at his sister one more moment, something in his head pleading for her to be real but knowing all the while that she wasn't. She turned into the demon she was and attacked. The fight wasn't long, and even though he knew it wasn't really Goldana, something about killing the apparition pulled at his emotions.

"Demon eh? How could I not have known?" Alyssa pulled him into a tight hug, "They are tricky like that. I'm just so happy to have found you." She gave him a quick peck on his cheek and in that moment he had a revelation. This was the same feeling of belonging he thought he had earlier, but it was real unlike with the demon which now felt like a cheap imitation. He did belong to someone who he loved and who he hoped loved him back. _She_ was his family. 

He opened his mouth to tell her as much when everything started getting blurry, he pleaded with it to stop but it was out of his control. Before his vision changed to black he made a silent promise to himself. He would tell her he loved her. Soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Alistair shivered and threw another blanket on top of himself. Andrastate's followers had picked a freezing, dangerous place to put her to rest, but at least after they slept a bit they would be out of this blasted place and Eamon would be saved. He still couldn't believe they had done it. They had battled ghosts and dragons, crazy men and spiders to finally get just a pinch of holy ashes but it would all be worth it when they saved the Arl. He looked over at Alyssa who was staring intensely at the ground. 

She had been quiet and withdrawn ever since the gauntlet. Seeing the ghost or apparition or whatever it was that took the form of her father obviously weighed on her, and it was apparent by the answer she gave the spirit that she still felt a small amount of guilt about her past. Considering it now Alistair realize she hadn't really had the time to emotionally deal with any of it. The blight was throwing one thing after another and she was always busy leading them to one quest or another. He stood and walked over to her, plopping down next to her and offering her half of his blanket. She silently accepted and scooted closer to him.

"I'll be happy to be out of this place," he said, trying to spark a chat. She snorted in agreement but still didn't look up from the ground or make any attempt to further the conversation. "Alyssa, surely you don't think what happened to your family was your fault. You have to know it wasn't." She suddenly looked up at him with anger in her eyes and he noticed her cheeks were wet with her tears. 

"Not my fault?" she quietly yelled, he didn't know such a thing was possible but then again she was always surprising him. "Then whose fault was it? My father for not seeing Howe's treachery? My brother for leaving the castle with most of our troops? Mine since I was technically in charge of the castle at the time? I should have stayed and died alongside my parents, I shouldn't have let Duncan take me. I don't want to be the last Cousland." 

She threw her self into his lap and put her face into his chest crying hard. He encircled her with his arms and held her, whispering words of comfort to her and trying to offer as much support as he could while she let it out. His heart broke for her, while he never really had a family to miss losing the gray wardens at Ostagar had felt like losing brothers. And losing Duncan…well that was as close to losing real family as it got for him. When her sobs died down and her breathing became more steady she pulled away, rubbing her face with her hands and looking embarrassed. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put that on you." Something about the way she looked after she cried, so vulnerable and feminine, made her radiantly beautiful to him. In an instant he grabbed her face with both his hands and kissed her until they both couldn't breathe. "I love you Alyssa Cousland." He wasn't sure what had come over him to prompt him to say it but all of a sudden it felt as if he had to tell her how much he cared for her. How important she was. How he would do anything she asked of him. She needed to know that he would be her family if she wanted him too. 

"I…,"she began and he felt as though he could hear his heart beating. He started to get nervous when she suddenly smiled and leapt back onto his lap, "I love you too Alistair." She kissed him, this time sweetly and slowly and he tangled his hands in her hair, savoring the taste of her and the feel of her body in his arms. A whistle followed by a "finally" reminded them that they were, in fact, not alone. They reluctantly pulled away from each other. She landed one more chaste kiss on his cheek and then bid him good night and went into her tent.

She loved him. Suddenly the cold decrepit temple seemed the happiest place in the world.


End file.
